ups and downs

UP
"it looks like _you_ have a new friend..."

down
It seems contradictory that a house so filled up with memories can echo with such emptiness. My parents finished moving out of their house yesterday. Mom has already driven up to Maine, dad goes tomorrow. While dad will be back off and on through the summer, mom is pretty much gone from the area now. Perhaps this is one of the inevitable steps through adulthood, all part of the "you can't go back" mantra. Except, until now I always could. Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of coming into being alive so late in life is that over the last year I've finally begun to have a real relationship with my parents. And now I'm afraid that I'm going to lose that. Which I know isn't entirely true. But still.

UP
I _like_ having a new friend.

down
damn it, I'm still losing myself

UP
but hold on, it is possible to have a new friend, and be alive with myself at the same time. In fact, in recognizing that, I'm finally feeling both new friends and life at the same time.

down
oh.

UP
yeah, I thought so. That's pretty cool.

down
I _will not_ lose this part of being alive with myself.

UP
that's not a "down". I claim that as an "UP". The REAL up is recognizing how important that is, and seeing that it is possible to have both at the same time.

down
I'm sad that my parents are moving so far away. I miss them.

UP
I love my parents, and am excited that they're starting a new adventure. And I'm looking forward to visiting them in their new home.

down
I'm sad that my sister lives so far away. I miss her.

UP
I love my sister and am excited for the journey that she's on. I loved running the race with her and am looking forward to seeing her later in the year and maybe running another race.

down
I'm sad that it's taken me two failed marriages and 32 years of life to finally be alive.

UP
I love myself and am excited about the journey I'm on. I'm ecstatic to finally be alive.

down
I've run out of downs

UP
that's just fine by me :)