I started this blog nearly seven months ago ("In search of a topic") as a place to publicly work through the end of my marriage in an examined and grounded way.
Today, the journey is over. The divorce is final.
How do you quantify a failed marriage? Acknowledging that it was doomed from the start does not make it any easier. How do you say goodbye to someone that you once envisoned having children with? How do you allow someone to just fade away? It's hard to relegate something that was once so tangible, with such potential and promise, to a mere memory.
Thank you K., for living up to your promise of conducting yourself in an adult and compassionate way. I can't think of any better parting gift. I only hope that I've been able to conduct myself in the same way. I truely hope that you're able to find happiness in whatever form that takes.
Today, the journey is over. But life goes on. A new journey awaits, just around the corner.
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9 comments:
Obviously, congratulations doesn't fit, but I want to say something and am struggling for what. I guess, good luck as this phase is over, and a new one begins.
What a change from your previous post about your friends wedding. The ending of a marriage, no matter the circumstances, or background is always difficult. I hope that you have peace, and are able to find someone to have all those children with.
You can't ever really say goodbye or let things fade away. You lock them away in a special place in your heart to look back on when needed. You move on and know that there are many happy trails to come. You cry when you need to, you laugh when you need to and you always remember and know it is now a special memory that should not be forgotten. I hope that helps.
oops I forgot my name :)
Tamara
thanks all - it really means alot to me to have such a great group of people for support :)
Tamara is wise...I would also add that maybe instead of the marriage being a failure it was a success. Successful in that it opened both of your eyes and heart. A way for you both to clarify what you want in life and a way to find the courage to find yourselves and really live rather then stay with something that isn't life giving. Mostly I think it sucks to grow, but eventually you're glad you did.Hope you are crying lots...in the kindest way you can wish that upon someone.
Kristi
WOW I have never been called wise before. Thanks for the compliment Kristi:)
Tamara
Often, the questions we ask determine the course of our lives.
You ask "How do you quantify a failed marriage?".
Begs the question "What is failure?"
Is this really a failed marriage, or an unsuccesful one? Did both parties give their best? Or did one or both knowingly hold back?
Did you learn something and grow as a person? Is it a failure if it added something new to the journey of your life?
I'm on a "be sure you know what you're saying when you talk about failure" campaign today. :-)
I'm thinking you only fail when you don't learn something for next time.
Ok Anonymous person, fair enough... I'd say the _real_ failure was to approach the relationship in an eyes open kind of way, acknowledging what is right in front of us for what it is. To that end, I think we both learned an immense amount from our time together. I know that I, for one, would not have made any of the progress I have made over the last year if it wasn't for the relationship...
So, what are you talking about when _you_ speak of failure? hmmmm?
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