Monday, June 26, 2006

The most unflattering picture of all time

A closeup of me crossing the finish line at the CDA half marathon. At this point my soul has left my body, energy does not exist, the end is near, in oh so many ways. I find it interesting how the entire left side of my face has completely shut down - only my right side is fighting for life, and is losing. Posted by Picasa

6/25 Dream

Haven't done a dream in a while, but this one seems interesting, in a moving forward kind of way...

So I'm in my car in a mostly empty parking lot. I'm starting to drive out when a funeral procession pulls into the lot. I pull to the side to allow them to pass, and the procession flows around me on all sides. My visual perspective pans up so I'm looking down on my car and there's just this impossibly long, continuous line of cars and people flowing around me and past me.

Then I'm with my mom, and we're visiting a school of some sort - it's something like an open house. We're being led by a tour guide, and head of into the math/physics/nursing wing. As we shuffle along, I notice that my mom is carrying a heavy purse, and needs to walk with a crutch. There is a railing along one side of the walkway, and she's leaning/holding onto the railing with one hand. I offer to take her bag and crutch so she can walk better by just holding onto the railing. She allows me to take these things, and I notice how heavy her bag is. But she does move more easily without these things...

And now I'm in my parent's house (the one they just sold). It's being renovated, but the house catches fire. My family and I retreat to my parent's bedroom, and eventually make our way to the bathroom/dressing room area (which is an addition at the end of the house). As we're all hunkered down, the house begins to blow up, and progressively collapse, starting at the far end. I'm standing at the edge of the room, watching the house in front of me fall away, and then the end of the house, where we are, collapses and I fall down and down, into a pile of rubble. And I look out through the rubble, and Marie, who is an older woman who lives next door, is standing just outside the rubble, all dressed up in flowing gowns and a hood, almost in an angel sort of way, and says that we can come out now - and we all get up from the rubble, covered in branches and dust and leaves, and climb out of the rubble and walk down the street, away from the house. I remember looking over my (right) shoulder and seeing the house, burned out, the front a mask of bricks, the windows partly covered, and walking with my family out of the neighborhood.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

June 21, 1997

9 years ago today my first wife and I were married. Now, seeing as how this date still sticks in my mind, and recognizing that I'm in a rotten awful down numb mood today, perhaps I haven't fully worked through my feelings from divorce number 1. They've just been masked by marriage/divorce #2. I need to find quiet time/space to process.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Avoidance

I think I've mentioned that my folks have sold their house and are moving to Portland, Maine.

and now i'm stuck again - i've been quite literally not looking at this whole parents moving away thing. I can't keep straight in my head when they're going up there and when they're coming back, and when my sister is going out there to visit, even though i have their latest itinerary, and have been told at least a dozen times what the schedule is. And just getting this much of an entry in here has taken several days now - starting and stopping. blah. and now i'm stopping again.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Reporting from the field

& More documentary evidence of said manic-ness. This is on the way back from the turn around point, somewhere in the vicinity of mile 8 I think... Posted by Picasa