Clarity on sadness

I have finally found some clarity... All this time - for many many years - I have done a superb job of shutting down my inner core - that part of me that is most alive. This part of me holds my emotion, my presence, my connection to the world and those in it. And it's been shut down, closed out, locked away - never to be seen. In fact, it must not be seen - or that would seem to be the mandate. And this sadness is an acknowledgement of that - a sadness at a loss of myself. This became crystal clear today in my individual session, when I was able to let that core out and to be present with it for the first time in almost a year. The voice of my core no longer questions if or why it will be locked away - it's just profoundly and overwhelmingly sad that it will. And all of a sudden I could see how sad this has been and is making me. Can you think of anything sadder than to not be truly alive, truly present, when your very being yearns to be heard, seen, felt, expressed.

Clarity. I've been reaching, searching for it for a long time. In this moment, this place, right now, I can see clearly. O crap - it's me. I am most sad for that which I hold dearest to my heart, that which goes unexpressed and unseen.