Was in my individual session just now, and the question in response to not knowing how to move was 'how would chris move?' chris in this case is my emotionally self. The answer brought me back to being a child and going down to the creek and playing in the stream. Hopping on rocks in the park by myself - one place where I could really be myself - this gentle, introspective, quiet kid. And it became clear - how chris would move is to rock hop in the stream. So we scattered pillows on the floor and I recreated the experience right there - jumping from rock to rock, feeling the slippery ones, the ones that rock a little, and finding my feet, my whole body working together, seeing with my feet. And the question was asked, how is chris feeling? And the best I could come up with was "good". Which is when I realized that the emotionally present, alive side of myself is this little 8 year old kid. And he doesn't have the language to express himself or to stand up for himself. And the side of me that has been studying for the past two and a half years - that side that has the language, knows how to see, can stand up for himself - he's an adult, but doesn't know how to be present. And I'm stuck in the middle, between this emotionally present child who does not know how to talk, and this emotionally stunted adult who can talk.
And that was when I remember the most important thing about rock hopping, being a kid at the park, playing in the stream. When all else fails, when you don't know what to do - build a dam and sit. Slow the water down and think.
The journey took on a little more clarity today - at least this leg of the journey. Bring the child and the adult together. Become one again.
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